01 - Flag Poles, Strippers, Pizza, Rapper's Delight

I've watched Veronica Mars a lot of times. I will be reviewing the show item by item, picking random things that I notice and rating them according to my arbitrary measure of quality, which I may or may not endeavor to explain. These items may not necessarily be listed in order of appearance, but their appearances will be catalogued, and an item must appear or be referenced in at least two different episodes in order to be counted. This will extend from props to runners to characters to whatever else I decide is worthy of comment, and presumably this is a font of content I will be able to keep dipping into until I die. Also, I'm only counting the first two seasons, because season 3 is boring and I don't feel like rewatching it. Sorry.

Putting an Object Which Does Not Belong on a Flag Pole on a Flag Pole: 5/5

total appearances: 3

"Weren’t you supposed to wait for me at the flag pole? Not sure I could’ve made that any clearer."

We first see Wallace taped to the flag pole by the PCHers in the pilot as punishment for calling the cops on some bikers who tried to steal booze from the Sac n’ Pac. The bikers use this punishment again in Season 1 Episode 20, “M.A.D.,” when Weevil uses it to humiliate Tad Wilson for posting revenge porn of his ex girlfriend. But the best iteration of this runner comes in Season 1 Episode 7, “The Girl Next Door,” when Logan and Weevil cooperate to somehow impale Mr. Daniels’ 1995 Geo Metro upon the flag pole, an act which presumably still mystifies Neptune High students to this very day.

Loretta Cancun: 4/5

total appearances: 2

She’s Cliff’s client, and she dances at the Seventh Veil. In the pilot episode she is arrested for “taking a baseball bat to the washing machine that stole her quarters at Suds-N-Duds.” She appears again in Season 1 episode 20, “M.A.D.”, again with Cliff, incorrectly accusing the sheriff’s department of entrapment.

09er Pizza Deliveries: 3/5

total appearances: 4

"Oh, you little bitch!"

Those 09ers sure do love their pizza, and we can see them having it delivered as early as the pilot episode. Wanda Varner’s main contribution to the series was letting us know in Season 1 episode 6, “Return of the Kane,” that the reason 09ers are allowed to get pizza delivered to the school is because of the school’s moderately-fascist Pirate Points system, which Duncan revises to make it so that non-09er students can also earn Pirate Points when they do their poor people clubs. That is far from the only episode where 09ers ordering pizza is a plot point, however; it also comes up in season 2 episode 14, “Versatile Toppings”, when a series of pizza delivery boys are robbed while delivering to the 90909 zip code, and in season 1 episode 10, “An Echolls Family Christmas”, where Duncan’s ability to calculate a pizza delivery tip is used by Veronica as evidence that he wasn’t actually drunk when playing poker at Logan’s house.

"Up Jump The Boogie": 2/5

total apperances: 2

This line from Rappers' Delight is first quoted by Troy in Season 1 Episode 2, "Credit Where Credit is Due," when he says to Duncan, "What do you say, dog? You ready to get this party started? You ready to burn this motha down? Up jump... the boogie?", to which Duncan responds, "My plan, and I haven't worked this out entirely yet so bear with me, was to raise the roof," and then Troy says "See, that is so you, man. Mr. Old School." At the very end of the second season, S2E22 "Not Pictured", the line is referenced again by Dick Casablancas when he tells Veronica, "Put on your dancing shoes, Mars, 'cause tonight we're gonna up-chuck the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat." Veronica responds with a sardonic, "Up-chuck?" For the record, Dick's joke is funnier.

My mom likes to talk about anachronistic references in this show, and in my opinion this is the biggest one. I'm expected to believe that two of the shittiest douchebag 09ers to ever live independently are able to quote 1980s hip-hop smash hit Rapper's Delight by heart? Not only that, but that they specifically quote this one line? Which member of the writing team was so hung up on Up Jump the Boogie? I suspect it may have been Rob Thomas, as he is the only credited writer on "Credit where Credit is Due". (the episode title is serendipetous.)